I don’t know what it is, but being at home drains the life out of me. I can’t seem to live my own life without something interrupting it. No I don’t mean people need help and I want to be selfish and just live my own life and let them be, but more along the lines that I am told how to live my life by those closest to me. I’ve had a rant post before this but I realize it’s those who are closest to me that that do this. It’s almost like I can never make anyone happy and in result I’m not happy. I really miss the sense of fellowship in college and without it I can see my walk with God not going so well. I wish my church had a sustainable college fellowship, it is one of the cons in being a commuter church. People from all boroughs makes it hard to fellowship. In two years everyone should be back and we’ll see how it goes from there. I was looking at twitter today and I ran by this verse:
Better to be patient than powerful; better to have self-control than to conquer a city.
What powerful words…This is something I definitely struggle with…How is it that I find it easy to get things done for church whether it’s worship stuff or fellowship stuff, yet I find it so hard to fight battles of self-control in my own life? Well, I ask you guys just pray for me as I continue on here at home being miserable, because it’s taking a lot more patience than I thought and a surely a lot more patience than I can bear.
So I just remembered that I had a tumblr so since I’m taking a semester off I should be blogging a lot more. I’m also writing this post from my phone (I know! It’s so incredible). I’m planning to abuse my phone for all its uses. Well with that said I guess this is somewhat of a post-retreat…post? This retreat has been a great one, I learned a lot about what it meant to be a worship leader and I felt something I have never felt when I led worship before; I let the spirit lead. God really hit me hard and it is no secret that people have been leaving NYCBC left and right. Up to the point now that a select few have decided to step up and try to revive the church. There were times where I really felt hopeless for our church, but that was because it was too overwhelming… there are so many parts that need work and its so hard to work on evrrything. So I asked myself… where is my passion? God really pointed me towards worship. Over the past year and a couple months I have learned guitar and I’ve had the privilege of learning from awesome worship leaders in college. I’ve realized that a lot of people go to college and realize that college church is sooooo awesome and fellowship there is so much more intimate than their home church or what not. They then decide that their home church is “not for them” so they leave. Me? Well… all of that is true, college church is freaking amazing and I’m really close with my friends at Intervarsity Christian fellowship. Outreach is our main goal and to be totally honest, the fellowship at Stony is blooming! But it doesn’t turn me off from NYCBC, as a matter of fact it gave me more of a passion to revive NYCBC. I’ve learned so much from college and I’m willing to use it to better my home church. The very church that has invested so much time for me in the past 20 years of my life. God is not done with me at NYCBC, and has pointed me to a direction for change in the worship there. Where feeling comfortable is not enough. People should feel overwhelming feelings of brokeness, joy, vulnerability when they worship, not comfort. I have a lot to learn and I hope anyone of my friends who read this pray that I will not let this semester that I’m taking off go to waste.