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I'm an ABC and this is where I vent and share my life stories. A little bit about myself is that I am an aspiring murse (male nurse), I play guitar, I love God, and although people see me as a goody 2 shoes I am above all...Human. So don't judge if I get angry or frustrated sometimes because Christians aren't perfect, only forgiven :) So I hope you guys enjoy my thoughts on life. K BYE. Oh yeah I also own the blog wtfoodge.com and I play ping pong.

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13 June 11

Funny How God Is Using Me!

Roughly two years ago, I picked up a guitar for the first time. My intentions in learning guitar was so that God would use me to lead his congregation in worship. I knew complaining about worship in church wouldn’t fix things. It’s easy to say what’s wrong, it’s not so easy to get your hands dirty to fix it. I will not boast in my abilities, but I will boast that God’s power was at work in allowing me learn so dang fast. I literally was able to learn basic strumming patterns within two weeks. Before I knew it, I was leading worship within less than a year, and now I’m at a point where I want to actually get GREAT at guitar. For me, I feel like guitar is easy to learn, but hard to master. I’ll continue to allow God to use me in whatever ways he can. I don’t know…This was just a thought that went through my mind today. I pray and I ask you readers to pray for me that my heart is humbled :)

Tags: worship guitar
20 May 11
15 May 11

Why Worry About Things?

I’m not the type to worry, especially when it comes to material things, but when it comes to relationships, I freak-the-crap-out. I just don’t mean with girls or what not, I mean with anyone. I also don’t mean I would randomly start to think about things too much when there should be no reason for me to. I mean when something actually does happen that would effect a relationship I have with a person, I start running all these hypothetical situations in my head. The "what if’s"Those are the worst! I realize I freak out because these things are out of my control. This life of mine is too short, and even Jesus says “Who will add a day in his life by worrying?”. Once again it’s the constant battle between flesh and faith.

Tags: worry life
19 April 11

Reblogged: psalmsforqualms

Posted: 3:32 AM
Relationships are funny funny things. I’ve come to learn a few things, it’s funny how when you’re in a relationship, that one significant other is closest to you. You share with them, you have fun with them, you care for them. Then when you break up BAM, you become worst enemies. I’ve been thinking about a lot of things recently and it has been bothering me. A lot of it has to do with justice…How I’ve been hurt in the past and how it has been a result of me hurting others. There are unspeakable things that have happened to me and I find no justice in it.
    To be totally honest, there are times where I just want my flesh to win. I want to be “bad” and do whatever I want, but then God reminds me how I need to remember Him. How I am called to stay pure and that as long as I’m living here in this world, the world will hate me and there will be a constant battle. I don’t know why revenge feels so good, why vengeance is almost like a natural response. An eye for an eye, I guess this is why it is said that we are born in sin. The fact that it feels natural to want to hurt someone who has wronged us. It is no easy task being a Christian, because you have to go against what your natural self wants. You have to go against what the world tells you. You need to go against the “norm”. It has been years since these incidences have occurred yet they still feel so very raw in my mind and heart. Remember guys…Revenge doesn’t get anyone anywhere and it will screw up everything at the end. I leave you with this: If you know it is wrong but will give you instant gratification…Don’t do it. <—I’m just speaking about relationships, I can’t say it for anything else because I fall for things that give me instant gratification all the time.

Relationships are funny funny things. I’ve come to learn a few things, it’s funny how when you’re in a relationship, that one significant other is closest to you. You share with them, you have fun with them, you care for them. Then when you break up BAM, you become worst enemies. I’ve been thinking about a lot of things recently and it has been bothering me. A lot of it has to do with justice…How I’ve been hurt in the past and how it has been a result of me hurting others. There are unspeakable things that have happened to me and I find no justice in it.

    To be totally honest, there are times where I just want my flesh to win. I want to be “bad” and do whatever I want, but then God reminds me how I need to remember Him. How I am called to stay pure and that as long as I’m living here in this world, the world will hate me and there will be a constant battle. I don’t know why revenge feels so good, why vengeance is almost like a natural response. An eye for an eye, I guess this is why it is said that we are born in sin. The fact that it feels natural to want to hurt someone who has wronged us. It is no easy task being a Christian, because you have to go against what your natural self wants. You have to go against what the world tells you. You need to go against the “norm”. It has been years since these incidences have occurred yet they still feel so very raw in my mind and heart. Remember guys…Revenge doesn’t get anyone anywhere and it will screw up everything at the end. I leave you with this: If you know it is wrong but will give you instant gratification…Don’t do it. <—I’m just speaking about relationships, I can’t say it for anything else because I fall for things that give me instant gratification all the time.

17 April 11

I Got Into Nursing School.

     I feel like this is a sweet beginning to the end. Stony Brook has less than a 10% acceptance rate to their nursing school and now that I’m in I need to focus on what matters. My number one goal and probably my number one struggle for next semester is discipline. I love being a free-spirit, doing what I want when I want, but nursing school is no joke. I can no longer study when I want to and sleep and wake whenever I want. I know discipline is a huge thing when it comes to the Christian walk and it’s something I’ve been lacking. Anyway, this post isn’t about discipline and I kind of just got side-tracked. The point of this post is to tell you about what happened when I found out I got into nursing school.

     To be totally honest, I feel like I had a good chance of getting in, but at the same time those feelings were paralleled with feelings of doubt. I think the hardest part about it was the wait, the anticipation. From the moment I submitted my application, it was all faith from there. I don’t like to use the term “let go let God”, because people usually use it as an excuse to not do anything and hope that God would do the work, but at that point it was literally out of my hands. I always told myself that when I found out that I got into nursing school I would be doing jumping jacks and cartwheels while screaming at the top of my lungs. That did not happen. I was at Stony at the time and I was sleeping in my old room. It was 11 AM and I was dreading signing up for classes. Why? Well let me list the reasons for you.

  • I had to plan everything out to make sure I got all the proper courses that I needed so I would graduate in a year.
  • I would have to overload my schedule with psychology classes for next semester.
  • I would probably not get into a lot of those classes due to budget cuts.

So everything I listed above was before I found out I got into nursing school. My plan b was the finish up my psych degree and apply for the one year program. Well…God was good and I got into the two year program. As I logged on to Solar (The website that Stony Brook students use to pay for rooming/classes/food, apply for rooming, classes, and all that jazz). Well, under the category “My student applications” there was a tab that I’ve never seen before. It said “My decision” or something like that. I knew what it was and I was scared out of my mind because the results of a year and a half of work was just a click away. I said a short prayer and it pretty much went like this:

God…Whatever happens I know it’s part of your plan… BUT PLEASE LET ME IN THIS NURSING SCHOOL !!!

And with that, I clicked the link and all I saw was “Congratulations! You’ve been accepted to…” and I was like O_O, and then I scrolled tot he bottom and there were two links:” I accept, I decline”, I clicked accept and I said a prayer to God thanking Him. I didn’t shout for joy, I didn’t scream, I didn’t do cartwheels…I simply thanked Him. Then I called my dad, and being the Asian parent he is who doesn’t like to show emotion he just said “That is good…Go tell your mom”. And my mom being the Asian parent she is, she said “Good”, or something along those lines. I know deep inside they were really happy and really relieved. They’ve been bothering me since day one about when I’d find out. Well with that said, let me say that God is good and that anything is possible. I simply ask you guys pray for me as I embark on this journey called Nursing School. I do not expect it to be a simple task and it’d probably be foolish to even think so, but I ask that God meets me in this place and that I discipline myself in my time management.

By the way this thing is really long, so I’m not even going to bother to proofread it. K BYE!

4 March 11

Dependency.

So for the past 5 days I’ve been at Stony Brook God has taught me to be dependent on others. Trying to save money, I told myself I’d spend less than $50 while here at Stony and I have all thanks to the brothers and sister’s I have here at Stony Brook spotting me with their meal points. Many of us choose to be independent and it makes us really comfortable when we can rely on our own resources. Ultimately God has taught me to be dependent on Him. Isaiah 40:27-31 states:

27 Why do you complain, Jacob? Why do you say, Israel, “My way is hidden from the LORD; my cause is disregarded by my God”? 28 Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. 29 He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. 30 Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; 31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

I am so used to control that when things get out of MY control I start to worry and feel weak, but God says here that it is okay to feel weak. We are human and even if we were filled with riches, even if we were able to run 30 mile marathons, or can study 8 hours a day; we are still going to grow tired and weary. So if you’re tired right now whether financially, academically, physically, emotionally, and/or spiritually I encourage you to just put down whatever you’re doing, and just ask God to renew your heart. It requires faith and if we are truly honest with God and ourselves than I truly believe God will answer your prayers.

3 March 11

I’m Awake.

I shouldn’t have gotten a large Slurpee at 3 AM…I’M STILL AWAKE AND I CAN’T SLEEEPEEPEPEPEPEPPSADFSDF.

25 February 11

Being At Home Sucks.

I don’t know what it is, but being at home drains the life out of me. I can’t seem to live my own life without something interrupting it. No I don’t mean people need help and I want to be selfish and just live my own life and let them be, but more along the lines that I am told how to live my life by those closest to me. I’ve had a rant post before this but I realize it’s those who are closest to me that that do this. It’s almost like I can never make anyone happy and in result I’m not happy. I really miss the sense of fellowship in college and without it I can see my walk with God not going so well. I wish my church had a sustainable college fellowship, it is one of the cons in being a commuter church. People from all boroughs makes it hard to fellowship. In two years everyone should be back and we’ll see how it goes from there. I was looking at twitter today and I ran by this verse:

Better to be patient than powerful; better to have self-control than to conquer a city.

What powerful words…This is something I definitely struggle with…How is it that I find it easy to get things done for church whether it’s worship stuff or fellowship stuff, yet I find it so hard to fight battles of self-control in my own life? Well, I ask you guys just pray for me as I continue on here at home being miserable, because it’s taking a lot more patience than I thought and a surely a lot more patience than I can bear.

19 February 11

I asked God to humble me. He did and I feel like crap.

I prayed a prayer not too long ago asking God to humble my heart. I’ve been living on the easy track for the past couple of months and I must confess my life has been full of sloth and gluttony. I remember the reason for my prayer: so that I could live life more Christ-like. Well let me go with the first thing that has been bothering me: my job. My job consists of calling people and asking them if they want to take an accident prevention course. Well for one, I am not used to asking people that I don’t know to do things, and number two I am not used to people rejecting me. I will be totally honest with you, I am not used to rejection. I am used to people liking me and when I find out someone doesn’t like me, I choose to just ignore them or not think about it. It might be a sense of pride that I have in myself that I don’t really think of consciously but it is sub-consciously there. I know I am a likable person but it isn’t something I flaunt. Every single call that I make I am scared to death of the person rejecting me. This has been bothering me for some time now and you might say “Joel, just leave the job and find something else that is easier… Well, I think God might actually have a plan for me, he might be building me mentally and emotionally to give me a tiny, JUST a tiny fraction of what it was like for Jesus to be rejected. I know this will build my character and even though I suck at this job I’ll continue on with it. In the beginning I was all about the money for this job…But…The money doesn’t mean much to me anymore as I’m trying to use this to better myself. This is another reason why I am scared to evangelize, knowing full well that I have EXCELLENT NEWS for a person but being scared of rejection. Maybe this is a way for God to prepare me for something. Like, “Okay Joel…I know you aren’t good at spreading the good news, but here, let me start you off with something smaller, just call people and ask them to take this driving course and maybe soon you’ll understand how it feels like to be rejected”. It may sound dumb but this is something I am actually really scared of… Like REALLY scared of. The funny thing is though…I’m not really that afraid of public speaking, I’m more afraid of one to one conversations because it’s more personal. So I sit there with all these thoughts going through my head as I’m about to call the next person, and in anticipation as I’m waiting and the phone rings, no one picks up. I continue this over and over again and 80-90% of the time no one picks up…I know I’ll get used to this after a while but I have a feeling God is using this so I can share this in a testimony: "I was once deathly afraid of evangalism…I didn’t know where to start and everytime I got rejected I became more and more discouraged…Up to the point where I decided to stop…Then God had other plans for me, he gave me an opportunity to talk to others but the consequences of them rejecting me for this other good news (saving 10% on your car insurance) were not as big, but it was still rejection. In this world as Christians, we will be rejected and spit upon…And God is starting me somewhere small…"The number two thing that has been bothering me  is school. I am only taking a three credit course but how is it that I find it so hard to study? It’d ridiculously hard for me to take an hour or two of my day just to study…Maybe it’s because this job situation is bothering me so much. I have it all planned out…I work from Monday to Wednesday, and maybe sometimes squeeze in a Saturday if I need the cash, and then study some everyday…But the more free time I have…The harder it is to study and the bigger hole I dig myself into as I procrastinate. I need to study more and I plan to right after this post. The number three thing that has been bothering me is my family. Being at home so much, I am going insane having to deal with my parents. My parents don’t ever really compliment…At least not me. I would say of all my siblings, I am the most care-free. It might be because I am the youngest so I am spoiled to death, but they don’t really compliment me. They call me lazy, careless, messy, unorganized and time and time again they keep comparing me with other people. At first it didn’t phase me, but after a while it started to bother the crap out of me. Word’s can do a lot of damage to people, and even though my parents mean well it bothers me a lot. I don’t have any privacy here at home and that also affects me when I am trying to WORK. How the crap do I make calls when I have my mom walking around distracting me?! It’s hard enough as it is but she is always bothering me somehow! Time and time again I tell myself to just find a job where I can be outside of home and not be bothered here but like I said…No more taking the easy way out…

With all that said, I feel hopeless but God is telling me to press on. In time all will be well… It may not be tomorrow…It may not be next week but it will be soon. I think all of this could be dealt with if I just learn to humble myself. One of favorite quotes come from C.S. Lewis

Humility is not thinking less of yourself…But thinking of yourself less

I need to stop thinking “what if this person rejects ME”, or “why can’t my parents just leave ME alone”, and just stop thinking about my own pride and selfishness and start to think about others…I don’t know…I feel kind of depressed. I don’t know what it is, it may be the fact that I am not in college and this transition home is so harsh…Who knows. All I know is that God is sculpting me and he has plans for me. Well if you read through this whole thing, thanks for having interest in my life…And dang you must be bored! It’s mad long so I’m not even going to bother to proofread it. PEACE.

Themed by Hunson. Originally by Josh